Pages of my Secret Diary!!

I am climbing the steps to your door,
Mixed emotions running through me,
You didn't even know i was coming to see.
How would you react on opening the door?
Would you be angry or would you be filled with happiness galore?
The rose in my hand will make you nervous for once,
I would try to handle but i am such a dunce.
With hope in my heart,
I ring the bell.
Though i had rehearsed this a million times,
But now i needed two parts tequila and one part lime.
You are my life,
How would i ever tell you this?
Looking into your eyes,
Gives me heaven and bliss.
You open the door with a subtle smile,
You are surprised to see me at your door.
At that moment, i wanted you even much more.
I look into your eyes.
I know you are the one,
Saying it aloud,
I see you standing stunned.
Every second seemed to pass like an year,
All i could see was the redness on your cheeks,
There was a different smile,
I guess you were shy.
All i knew was that for this smile, i could die.
The tears shined in your eyes.
Making you look even more beautiful,
You nodded your head in approval,
That moment i wouldn't mind if the world got brutal.
I take you in my arms,
The same way you had taken me in your charms.
I love you and thats all i really knew.
Then and even today.

Till date your thoughts still linger on,
Even though you are gone far beyond.
I am old and withered now,
It was you who kept me young,
I still don't know how.
That rose is still there in my diary and that smile is fresh in my mind,
You are mine and you would stay mine.
As your thoughts still linger on,
Even though you are gone far beyond.

What matters most is how you see yourself!!

I have come across many people who say that they are not as good looking as others. They get nervous in public when they are asked to give their views. They aren't able to perform as well as others though their knowledge is at a higher level.
I had all these symptoms a time ago. I hated myself because i wasn't beautiful and i couldn't speak as good an English. One day in school, there were auditions for singing and modelling competition.I was taking part in the singing competition. I reached the venue right on time. I heard a voice shouting behind pointing out to me and saying,"Who has put this ugly girl for modelling?" I ran out from the auditorium, crying.Tears continued to roll down my eyes.I wanted answers to my some question, questions which only God could answer.In the evening I went to the gurudwaara sahib, I closed my eyes and said to God-" You have given me everything till date. Please make me beautiful also. I want to look pretty". A voice replied,"Its the inner beauty which matters more."
"I know that God but still the world measures the face value more. Please make me beautiful"
"I will make you beautiful but first of all you have to fall in love with yourself. You are a very beautiful being but start to love yourself. Time will change for you."
I opened my eyes and I knew the answer I had been searching. Every night before going off to sleep, I would repeat the words-'I love myself' about 10 times. I did this for a month. I didn't become beautiful but there was something different. I actually started to love myself. Not that I thought, I was better than the rest but I wasn't less either. I started to open my hair more often. My dresses changed from manly to an elegant wear. My mother observed a change in me.She told me I had started to look girlish. I started to love life. My mother would always say that you can't fall in love with anyone or anything until you are in love with yourself.
I had horrible stage fear but still I went up on the stage for debate. I came last but still I went again. One of the teachers recommended my name for a state level debate competition. That way I got rid of my confidence problem. Even when I was scared i didn't show it up. I pretended to be the boldest. That pretense gave me strength.
When I reached college, some boys came to rag me. I was very scared but all I did was, pretend!! I ragged the boys instead and came to be really known. so, this is all I have learnt. Today I speak better English than the rest. I can stand and fight for myself. I can't hear anything against myself because I love myself. Its like when you hear somebody speaking bad about your dear ones. You feel like teaching them a lesson. Thats exactly what i do. Learn to accept yourself the way you are because when you are the way you actually are, you are the best. Don't be fake. Just be yourself. you will get courage automatically and things will change. i saw the change. if I could do it, then anybody can!!...Keep smiling :)

For the secret holders

If secrets were to be kept,
half the world would have never wept.
Step by step as we move on,
Heaping things on the heart so strong.
Talking the heap out,
confiding in somebody
Is all we need in the moment of worry.
We choose the special one,
To put the heap upon,
To hold all our secrets
and to hide our troughs and crests.
May it be our amplitude
which goes a way high
or may it be our blood pressure
which goes a way low
But we expect our secret holder never to turn our foe.
green leaves may turn brown
An old smile may turn into a frown.
But I request to all those
who hold somebody's secrets,
Not to leak them out,
As it is counted in god's debts...

Victory beyond fear

A silent night, a silent tear
love is miles away
eyes are filled with fear
i'm yet holding on
cant let all this go wrong
i remember the time
when we were close together
flashback now starts to gather
i'm standing in the rain
on a very narrow lane
tears flowing down my eyes
when you cum rushing from behind
you 've a rose in your hand
beautiful but a little crammed
you say- you love me and you really care
and will always be there
Tinge of beauty flowed through my eye
the world seemed pure and nice
had never thought everything would turn so wrong
you would leave me and go far beyond
my heart questions your promises now
infront of which i had 2 bow
i regret the day i said i love you
because i thought you were really true
you came as a fantasy and left as a nightmare
for you i had kept the world aside
and i just woudn't care
is it something that i lack?
because you never even turned back
i left all relations and came to you
but over me you chose a stupe
don't know where really i was wrong
but i'm surely trying to be strong
love for you wasn't ME and its good
that atlast i'm free
this is a victory beyond fear
because my eyes will no more tear
because my eyes will no more tear.....

Incomplete Wishes

It was dark all around me

I wished for somebody to come and hold my hand

and somebody to take me out of this dark land

I turned to find you

but you were no where to be seen

memories of past were flickering in my mind

and the memories of all other good times

My eyes were yet in search of you

but you didn't come then

i really needed a friend

I needed your support

I needed you to come and hug me tight

And finish off all the fights

My eyes yet awaited you

Hoping to see you come

i wanted you to come and wipe my tears

And remove all my damned fears

But you didn't come

My eyes still await you

May be you come one day

My wishes may remain incomplete

but yet i will wish you to come.

Horizon....

A wish from the breaking star

A little story i will tell you all

of the days which have passed

whose memories will never last

there was this dumb crash course class

which had dis real special lass

when the teacher added 2 squares and got a cube out of it

he acted as if his brain's tubelite just got lit

The cigarette has glycerine

well!!! i dint know of that

i just know one thing that the teacher teaching was really fat

only this one understood what it all meant

all those stupid lenses and their crummy bends

he had pure eyes and this one side dimple

which could make any girl really stumble

No one understood his little heart

because science had taken it all apart

his eyes hid innocence deep inside

which longed for a friend in this stormy tide

Time flew and days turned months

we had becum friends just for fun

solving each other's problems we dint realise

our frenship moved away from all the lies

now i had this special person

whom i dint want to lose

i would be with him even if his brain's tubelite fused

i wouldn't let him impede in the inductance of his life'

because i will always be there by his side

we barely find friends who last forever and as i had found one

i knew he's my lucky charm

if breaking stars never fulfilled wishes

then mine would be still pending in the god's list......

The Tarnished Land

A gush of the wind
an usher of the rain
i looked up to the sky
it seemed in pain
A mother cried for her child afar
A son died somewhere in the bars
A whisper in my ear
and i awoke leaving the nightmarish fear
The fantasy came to land
Lord Neptune could be seen with a red band
seas turning incardine
with the blood of a thousand dimes
The Lord's land had turned impure
it needed a cleaning deep from the core
Time was wilting and life was withering
Every night and every day
Man continued going astray
God stole the man's sorrow
not for long,now would he borrow
Continuing to walk on the dark land
A blink of the eye
and nothing would withstand
Same is the sorrow
same is the pain
Would it all go away with my name??......:)